救命啊...

马来妹老牛回来了.

 住一天. 明天飞去香港.

下个星期日从香港回来后, 再住一天, 然后飞回去沙巴. 好笑吧.

妈妈问为什么这几天我的脸这么苦, 我不晓得如何回答她.

就来崩溃了.

我真的需要去某个地方, 放松心情.

找个人陪真的有这么难吗?

希望我这个愿望能能够实现.

补充:

原来,真得很难.


要是单人旅行, 会不会很好笑?


可是我很想尝试一下 u_u

black clouds are right above my head

today was just NOT A GOOD DAY. period.

exams are dunzo. but music exam is just right around the corner. gotta speed things up.

had a gathering at Bandar Puteri Keong Keong Guan Shabu Shabu for Club 91 Productions' appreciation dinner for the completion of our short film.

and ouhmaigat i could've just strangled somebody. i dunno what possessed  me. i was considered very patient already.

lazy to elaborate. i'm just gonna bury whatever unhappiness i felt today. let's not speak of it ever again. *zip*

wurtfarkingevah

i know when i'm unwelcome.

turns out nobody acknowledges all the hard work i've poured in so far.
that's a disappointment. i feel under appreciated.

so basically i'm nothing?

i feel like i'm invisible. and not in a good way too.

maybe i did a lousy job.
but no one bothered to let me know.

it stinks to find out this way.
but what the heck.

it's alright. i'll create my own sky.

but for now,

就当我幼稚, 就让我幼稚, 可以吗?

I.NEED.A.BREAK

desperately need to take a deep breath to clear my mind.

i need a getaway. i need to unleash. i need to stop.

hello..? tsc..? are yOu tHeRE..?

losing myself. come back. where are you..?

jealousy is a VERY stUpiD feeling.

i don't think i can stand myself any longer.

yeah i'm psycho like that

i don't really like myself right now. been feeling blue the whole day. it's tiring.

b's birthday dinner at ole ole bali last night. food was good. but we sat outside. so hot and banyak mosqs. wrong call to wear mini skirt @@

hope you had a wonderful night dear. and no you're not a bimbo despite what some people might say :) *kiss*

• 
  

do not speak through people's mouth. it pisses me off even more.

when you misinterpret what i say, i can't be bothered to explain myself when i'm being misunderstood.


do not always think of the negative side of me. when i say something, don't always think from one side. please think from the other end as well.

• 
  

what went on as a wonderful evening came to a pretty ugly end i would say. cuz i went berserk? something triggered something inside of me and i just went bonkers. i don't know why.

i can't help it. i really don't know what went into me. i'm sorry. and up till now i still can't 过我自己那关. i can't find a solution to this. i still don't know what went wrong and why did it happen the problem is still not resolved. what can i do now? can someone shed the light on me?

should've died a long time ago? ouch. the situations are different but i guess they don't matter now. what's done is done. i can't take back what i did or say. maybe i should just shut up from now on, since whatever that comes out from my mouth brings nothing good to us. despite me being honest. what fucking ever lah.



waiting for doug to come fetch me to go to jc's bday bash together-gether. hope i don't bump into someone i really dread seeing in my lifetime. i don't know what i would do. but dai gat lai si i should see him tonight, please let me pass the night with grace. a-moon.

*edit*

FUCK MY LIFE. i just heard he's there. and i have to go now. PLS. PLS. PLS. spare me the humiliation. plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

i'm done! seriously. what fucking ever. i'm moving on. for reals. peace out.

it is spelt as

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C

fuck you

from now on, i'm NOT gonna be the dispensable person.

i no longer wanna be DA BIAN REN.

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS

MY FAULT.

OK? HAPPY? GOOD.

inside

inside, i'm sick and tired of everything.

inside, i'm confused.

inside, i wanna let out all my angst.

inside, i need you to lift the lid of the bottle that's holding my feelings.

inside, i think it is too much for me too handle.

inside, i can't being so strong all the time.

inside, i just need to know.

inside, i'm weeping.

inside...

bell-pepper

one too many stuff

feels like i'm carrying more than what i can carry. the burden is getting heavier by the day, but i'm still carrying it, and it's really weighing me down. what do i do next? i go ahead and throw more stuff onto my back. smart ass.

it's so tiring being in a bad mood. the chest feels so pressed and i keep sighing. ALOT. and i feel i've been barking at people these few days. chongmal mianhamnida.

with so much to do, i should probably get started. but procrastination sinks in. damn. i surround myself with people i don't fully trust, will it be my ticket to the downwards spiral? i hope not. wa de fuk am i yapping about? i have no idea.

so many bloody songs to write..... D...... I...... U....... it's not that i don't like writing songs, don't get me wrong, i love it. it's just that, i need to take my own sweet time, and have a quiet environment, it's just so hard to do that at home. you bugger keyboard faster come la!!!!!

the stress is not there... you're just imagining it... let it go baybeh... let it go....

dying,

bell-pepper

alive but dead

past few days have been very exhausting. it's not that i'm super busy or what, and i haven't even started on ANY of my assignments and projects @@ that aside, i can't really figure out what's wrong with me. feeling sick and tired. ya know? sien? yea. i'm not really thinking about anything but yet my mind can't seem to rest. many things are racing through my brain now as i type. it's so bizarre but i seem to have no control over my brain anymore. i need to see a doctor. haha. fuck it fuck it fuck it. adrian's tagline is getting to me. urgh. i need some excitement in my life. i need to do something drastic soon, or risk losing myself, if i haven't yet already. i need inspiration, i need something to pull out the inner me. i need to feel alive again. i need somebody to save me. i can't stand feeling like all the life has been sucked out of me. it freaking kills me really. i heave each sigh deeper and deeper. i'm basically a soulless walking body. a zombie.

out,

bell-pepper

lying naked on the (bathroom) floor

when one is sick, when one is in pain, one really doesn't give a damn anymore.

like it isn't bad enough that one once sat on the toilet floor of the high school toilet - butt naked - (thinking back makes one wanna puke), one had to go on and break one's own record. yay.

one was very weak. all limbs functionless. really bo lat.



out,

bell-pepper

heart

this thing is tugging at my heartstring...

so so touched le...

thanks yeona...

i miss everyone...

fellow performers... fellow usakas...teachers... and...

i MISS

ALL OF YOU

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

T.T



out,

bell-pepper

empty

yup. that's exactly how i feel now.

been busy for so long, then suddenly everything has ended. really feels so weird.

been thinking alot these few days. and i really hate it during times like these. hate to think about so many mou wai yeh. it really really sucks.

why... why... why...

why suddenly call me then don't choi me anymore? i feel so weird man...

aihz. emo la.



out,

bell-pepper

the day you went away...

{{{ he's leaving... on a jet plane... }}}


bye bye my dear... take good care of yourself... and keep in touch ya...

thanks for the CD... love it very much. i think i know why i didn't cry when i played it in my car. cause my tear glands are dry from previous night's crying! hahaha..

when you come back we watch again together ya?

...

moments before we bid adieu...

~..:+=*[ BFF ]*=+:..~

selamat tinggal sayang...

fai di fan lei aa!!!~~ :(

...

damn no mood when baboon and i went bowling at pyramid. was feeling a bit down and according to him, my face was black black. LOL

after that went to watch rush hour 3. was sceptical about the cinema at the beginning cause i didn't exactly have a pleasant time at the cinema last time round. the seatings sucked big time.

however, today's seats weren't at all bad la. the cinema was more spacious and the slope isn't as slanting as the other cinema.

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RUSH HOUR 3 SYOK!!!!!!!!!!

i really needed the laughs.

zhang jing chu not as pretty as zhang zi yi. and her acting also not prominent in this movie. she acts as the all-grown-up daughter of ambassador Han, Soo Yung. (from rush hour 1 remember??)

it's kinda short la. the movie, i mean. about one and a half hours.

but damn funny wei. laughed till i almost couldn't catch my breath haha! xD
a tad too much of racism though.

mi (me)... yu (you)... mi... yu... mi... yu... hahaha xD
you have to watch it to know what i'm talking about! ;)

*i wanna go to Paris!!!
*i wanna go "parachuting" too!!! kakaka...

recommended!


out,

bell-pepper

wt...

wtf wtf wtf wtf WTF ~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's such an unusually fucking frustrating day!!!!! OMG!!!! really feel like banging my head against the fucking wall!!!! hell hell hell!!!!!!!!


AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i really don't know how else to vent my anger already!!!! my patience got LIMIT wan okay!!!! full to the brim liao!!!! no man. it's over the fucking brim liao!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

go eat shit go eat SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~

many things happened today. but really too lazy to type it all down. especially when i'm not in the mood to do so. it's been hell for me today.


why am i not good at anything i bloody do?????


why do i suck even worse when in actual fact i'm trying real hard to do that stupid something better???


why???


WHY???


WHY???????????????????


really felt like crying today. but the tears refused to come out. see. i'm such a bloody failure. i can't even control my bloody tear gland. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go to hell... go to hell... go to hell...

can someone please finish me off already.

fuck.


out,

(a very VERY dulan punya)
bell-pepper

suck

bloody hell.

life sux.

everything sux.

u suck i suck v all suck.

suck suck suck.

let's all kill each other n d world wil b a beta place.

nobody wil get hurt n nobody wil hurt anybody.

yea. let's do.


out,

bell-pepper