救命啊...

马来妹老牛回来了.

 住一天. 明天飞去香港.

下个星期日从香港回来后, 再住一天, 然后飞回去沙巴. 好笑吧.

妈妈问为什么这几天我的脸这么苦, 我不晓得如何回答她.

就来崩溃了.

我真的需要去某个地方, 放松心情.

找个人陪真的有这么难吗?

希望我这个愿望能能够实现.

补充:

原来,真得很难.


要是单人旅行, 会不会很好笑?


可是我很想尝试一下 u_u

black clouds are right above my head

today was just NOT A GOOD DAY. period.

exams are dunzo. but music exam is just right around the corner. gotta speed things up.

had a gathering at Bandar Puteri Keong Keong Guan Shabu Shabu for Club 91 Productions' appreciation dinner for the completion of our short film.

and ouhmaigat i could've just strangled somebody. i dunno what possessed  me. i was considered very patient already.

lazy to elaborate. i'm just gonna bury whatever unhappiness i felt today. let's not speak of it ever again. *zip*

wurtfarkingevah

i know when i'm unwelcome.

turns out nobody acknowledges all the hard work i've poured in so far.
that's a disappointment. i feel under appreciated.

so basically i'm nothing?

i feel like i'm invisible. and not in a good way too.

maybe i did a lousy job.
but no one bothered to let me know.

it stinks to find out this way.
but what the heck.

it's alright. i'll create my own sky.

but for now,

就当我幼稚, 就让我幼稚, 可以吗?

u_u

people, LEAVE HIM ALONE. sigh.

i ain't complaining here. i just can't comprehend. why does your fatigue seem to be at it's worst when you're with me, yet when you receive friend's phone call, your fatigue vanishes suddenly and you perk up immediately. hmm...

still, i'm glad we talked things through just now. and when we held hands so tightly, i felt a strong and powerful sense of.. contentment. ♥

anyway, just be safe. and happy. that's all i ask of you.

i wonder when will i have you all to myself. sigh.

now stop obsessing tSc, and go harvest some crops or blast some aliens. shoo.

all drained out

finally, all assignments are completed and submitted. i can heave a deep deep sigh now.

but somehow, at the back of my head, something is still bugging me. like i still have unfinished stuff.

probably because it has been this way for the past few months. suddenly no more datelines to rush, no more late nights to spend, feels kinda weird. am i let off the hook so easily? hmm...

perhaps it just hasn't sunk in yet. I.AM.FREE.

well, asides from my music work, of course.

after this last term of music course, i can really have more time for myself. haven't been in touch with myself lately. it's all about rushing this and rushing that, and frankly, it's really taking a toll on me. i'm beat.

it's been a really crazy few months. and i've had enough of it. stressed out to the max, and pushed to my limits in many ways too. still, i've endured it. hopefully, things can come at a consistent pace from now on, instead of everything gushing in on me at once. it's really too much to handle.

i need to take a breather. just go somewhere, and do NOTHING. just relax, and wind down. i really need it. bad.




won't you take me by the hand take me somewhere new...

why lie? why hide?

i hate lies. it may seem miniscule to you, but this is how all lies start. from white lies.

my mood is spoiled. i was worried about you the entire day. hoping you'll get well soon. cuz you've not started your work. yet, you go out cuz he feels spiteful? cuz he beh song? wtv la. it's none of my business. i already know that you like to do your work last minute, and often disregard your priorities. it's your choice. but is informing me too much of a hassle for you? or what?

think i won't like it if i know? try me finding out instead. oh. that's right. it has been done. and guess what? it doesn't feel good. at all. in fact, it really sucks.

if my concern for you seems so superfluous, shall i back off if that is what you want? don't hurt me like that. little little white lies like these hurt. no matter how small or insignificant they might seem to you.

and please note that i label this under woes and not du9lan. so don't you go saying that i'm pissed again.

i'm not. i'm just disappointed.

the last days of the 10,000 year promise?

don't think i can stand being this unhappy any longer. it's really eating me up inside. feeling a sense of déjà vu. no longer a priority, no longer at the top of the list, no longer do i feel important. all i do is wait, wait, wait, it will turn around. but guess what? it DOESN'T. what's holding me back now? i have no clue. i don't wanna play the blame game. i don't want my head to be messed with either. am i having a meltdown? oh god please help me no.

vaya con dios. and that, is pointed at me.

i'm being punished...

...for speaking out my mind.

and there's nothing i can do about it.

how unfair.

dedneffo

i thought i did okay. turns out i did worse than expected. why did my effort go uncredited? why scruntinize and magnify my faults? why never tell me at that moment? why wait for me to make mistakes? WHY..?

Reminder: NEVER mix work and r/ships together. don't rely on connections. yeah. that's where i made mistakes. it's okay. i will learn from this. it's my first time. i'm bound to make errors. it's a learning process. just have to make sure i don't repeat the mistakes in the future.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

things are taking a turn for the worse. why? why do things screw up everytime i want them to improve? i'm so sick and tired of feeling glum. sick and tired of waiting for things to get better. sick and tired of being sick and tired. i'll just go on for the time being, and see how it goes.

on a random note : i miss my lala auburn hair T.T

ps: i'm sick of you. stop harassing me. just buzz off from my face.

breathing a little easier now...

feeling a little more at ease now haha.

• my DJ live show is done and over and i received positive feedbacks teehee...
• english presentation done...
• 3 print ads done...
• now what's left is the billboard, storyboard and paperwork (which i'm gonna throw it all to A, R & G I DON'T CARE) for advertising, just do a simple presentation on friday...
• mass media slides i did my part... just have to combine with others and finalize it... then present it on thurs...

the most headache one is RADIO BROADCASTING OMG. think about it also wanna die liao @@ let's see what have i (NOT) done...

• drama (record halfway only)
• news
• commercial
• interview
• talkshow

worst part is, the lab is FULLY BOOKED and my group didn't place any fucking booking at all. so i also dunno how to die now. wadefuk -.=

anyway, it's weekend already. gonna relax A BIT (i think i deserve it) but then headache about my unfinished work at EMA. no soundcard at home, and no time to go down to KL to do my commercial. sigh. why this semester so many commercials to do?! 1 for advertising, one for radio broadcasting and another 1 for EMA @@

in a dilemma now too. my performance based exam is supposed to be on the 24th of August, but i don't think i can finish my stuff by then, so we decided to postpone it to 7th of September. problem is, the next day i think i'll be having my finals @@ how how how?!?!?!?! die la... ottokeyo?!?!?!

very the luan and kik sui punya,

bell-pepper

LOST

my pendrive. gone. sob sob. toshiba 1gig one. sob sob. where art thou?????????

i never treat you badly also... although it is my fault that i lost your head la... now you look so weird without the cap... my poor headless pendrive... but still, i really need you leh. come back to me please, wherever you are... i beg of you TT_______________TT

all my assignments inside there leh... don't have you, really can die wan leh... my assignments gone still nevermind... but don't make till my other group members suffer ma... only i have the copy leh... sorry la i know i also lan si... everything also i want to keep... but i lose everything instead... please don't treat me like this... really got alot of important stuff in there...

clover... please come back to me... please.... TT_______________TT

bell-pepper

help

i haven't finish my mass media report which is supposed to be submitted tomorrow. thought of staying up late to do it tonight but seems like i won't be able to cuz i'm really tired. my enerygy is drained out.

dinner was awful. i never spoke a word and at many times was on the verge of crying. i can't even look at him. why does she have to do this to me? acting like nothing happened doesn't work. i can't proceed without untying this knot. i'm mad at how she's trying to make it seem like nothing happened. something happened. nothing can erase that.

i'm really tired. i've tried so hard to avoid. i've tried so hard not to think. i've tried so hard to move on but my heart really very bu gan xin. i'm holding a grudge against him. my heart feels so heavy and i can't help it. it's really very tiring. i hate it but i can't help it.

what should i do..? somebody please shine some light on me... u_u

tired

bell-pepper

will you teman me tonight?

2am.

so. bloody. tired.

really. wanna. sleep. so bad. T________________________T

slides not done.

essay not done.

pray pray the internet line don't f with me again then can liao.

i. am. hungry.

and tired.

and sleepy.

why?

why???

WHY???

i really hate doing things last minute.

this is what happens when you do things last minute.

all sorts of things happen when you do things last minute.

so why i still so free come and write blog? deng.

hungry.

will be back.





3.30am.

my line is really messing with me.

on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

pls pls PLS don't mess with me!!! not at this time!!!

phucks. i'm gonna puke on my laptop anytime soon.

better go do my slides while there's still connection.

*crosses fingers*





6.30am.

i'm so screwed. my slides are STILL not done, and i don't have any idea what i'm supposed to talk about. I'M. SO. SCREWED.

with that, i end this post.

screwed,

bell-pepper

one too many stuff

feels like i'm carrying more than what i can carry. the burden is getting heavier by the day, but i'm still carrying it, and it's really weighing me down. what do i do next? i go ahead and throw more stuff onto my back. smart ass.

it's so tiring being in a bad mood. the chest feels so pressed and i keep sighing. ALOT. and i feel i've been barking at people these few days. chongmal mianhamnida.

with so much to do, i should probably get started. but procrastination sinks in. damn. i surround myself with people i don't fully trust, will it be my ticket to the downwards spiral? i hope not. wa de fuk am i yapping about? i have no idea.

so many bloody songs to write..... D...... I...... U....... it's not that i don't like writing songs, don't get me wrong, i love it. it's just that, i need to take my own sweet time, and have a quiet environment, it's just so hard to do that at home. you bugger keyboard faster come la!!!!!

the stress is not there... you're just imagining it... let it go baybeh... let it go....

dying,

bell-pepper

gone & going

baboon, has reality sunk in yet??!!!

you are LEAVING you know...?

you better get into the mood or else i guarantee on 26th morning you'll CRY LIKE SHIT de...

this sucks.

who am i gonna kacau when i'm bored and actually have the person reply me?
who am i gonna un-self consciously blurt out all my problems to?
who am i gonna force to laugh at my lame jokes/statements?
who am i gonna deafen with my rantings?

tell me la. siapa siapa siapa???!!

better keep in touch with me don't be like the tang shu haur like that ar if not ...

v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v

YOU . WILL . REGRET

don't say i didn't warn you. kekeke.

...

NEXT UP >>> post on baboon's farewell dinner. soon.

(hardly took any pictures cause too UGLY tonight omg it's unbelievable. no time to put on any make up and my dark circles were SO BAD people said i look like somebody just punched me)

*sob sob* :'-(



out,

bell-pepper